Monamorphosis: Transcending Pain

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Transcending Pain

I have a bunch of new post material with tips that I hope will be helpful for you...I have so much information that I want to spread it out into various posts (don't want to overwhelm with long posts because I can go on and on). If there are topics/issues you might have questions about, please email me at monamorphosis@gmail.com, and I can see if I have enough knowledge to do a post on that topic.

In the meantime, I have been going through some painful emotional (and physical) ups and downs. I know all of you understand this rollercoaster all too well. It was so hard for me to keep my positive attitude when I was sick, when one day or week I was feeling ok or even better than ok or even well, and then BOOM, I went 5 steps backwards again. Though my physical symptoms, now, post-Lyme are much fewer, far between, and less disabling, they still arise occasionally. And it is a doozy to try to figure it out.

I have been reading this book, "The Untethered Soul." HIGHLY recommend it to any of you who are needing some spiritual guidance. I copied, with permission, some highlights on pain. It really helped me when I was in a dark or difficult place the last month. Hope it sheds a little light on your journey as well.

"Simply view inner pain as temporary shift in your energy flow. As energy passing through your heart and before the eye of your consciousness....There is no reason to fear this experience. Pain is not a problem. It's just a thing in the universe...it's a thing in the universe that is passing through your system....don't be afraid of it. It cannot touch you unless you touch it....you must learn to transcend the tendency to avoid the pain. Then RELAX. Relax and release. Relax your heart until you are actually face to face with the exact place where it hurts.

Be present right at place of pain, then relax and go even deeper. This is very deep growth and TRANSFORMATION. If you close around the pain and stop it from passing through, it will stay in you.

Every single time you relax and release, a piece of the pain leaves FOREVER.

On the other side of pain is ecstasy. On the other side is freedom. Your true greatness hides on the other side of that layer of pain. Sometimes you may feel tremendous heat in your heart as you relax into the energy of the pain. This is the pain being PURIFIED from your heart.

In truth, pain is the price of freedom. And the moment you are willing to pay that price, you will no longer be afraid.

If you stay open, the blocked energy inside of you will release naturally, and you will not take on any more. This is the core of spiritual work. When you are comfortable with the pain passing through you, you will be free.

You will begin to have truly beautiful experiences rise up within you. Eventually, you will understand that there is an ocean of love behind all of this fear and pain.

**It is often said that you must go through the darkest night in order to get to the infinite light.**

I understand these words may be hard to hear when you may be suffering amounts that no human can imagine and you want to tell me to go somewhere the sun don't shine! I remember what it was like to be attached to my bed and IV pole and crawl to the bathroom. And, sometimes, when people told me to have a positive attitude, I wanted to tell them to also go somewhere the sun don't shine. BUT, from the other side, I just want to let you know it gets better. I truly think 50% of my healing came from being able to release the pain, so I hope this passage helps just a little.

1 comment:

AnonymousMarch 22, 2014 at 1:51 AM
Thankyou for this, I too have suffered LD for the last 18 years, and I know this pain and suffering is a gift of transformation. Blessings and healing light to you - you deserve health and wholeness - believe. Benjamin
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DEFINITIONS

Late-Stage Lyme Disease: An infectious bacterial tick borne disease that is transmitted through the bite of a tick, though many doctors believe it may now be transmitted through some infected fleas and mosquitoes. When first bitten, if a person develops a bulls-eye rash and is aware that they have been infected, the disease is easily treated with antibiotics. However, only 40-60% of patients develop the classic bulls-eye rash, called Erythema Migrans. Additionally, the rash is often invisible in people with darker skin, like me. When the tick bite is missed and a person goes months or even years without knowing that they have been infected, the disease enters its late disseminated stages, infecting many if not all systems of the body – limbic, neurological, physical, nervous, psychiatric, cardiac, and the list goes on. At this point, it is excruciatingly difficult, painful, and expensive to treat (note most Lyme treatment is not covered by insurance and highly controversial). Years of antimicrobials and complicated treatment plans (including many holistic methods of healing) are necessary to heal a late stage Lyme patient.

Herxheimer reaction ("Herx"): definition should be "torture." Can be used as a noun or verb as in "I herxed so bad I felt like I was run over by a truck and then dragged by a pack of wolves through hot dry sand." Scientifically speaking, a herxheimer reaction is what occurs during the treatment of Lyme disease and its co-infections. The common misconception is that when a patient is treated with meds, it should be all uphill from there. Medication should make you feel better, right? Very wrong. When spirochetal bacteria (like Lyme) is killed off, it releases a massive load of toxins in the body. These toxins are "neurotoxins" and "endotoxins", which putting it simply means that it is a toxin to the brain and the patients' organs. Typically the death of these bacteria and the associated release of endotoxins occurs faster than the body can remove the toxins via the natural detoxification process (hence the need for tons of detox supplements, herbs, and strict diet). Herxing can cause a whole host of symptoms, ranging from seizures, migraines, excruciating pain, dizziness, relentless hours of crying, anxiety, heart rate issues, pain, inability to breathe, insomnia, episodes of rage, confusion, memory loss, and much, much more. This, therefore makes Lyme treatment grueling, and very similar to cancer treatment with chemotherapy.

Co-infection: another Lyme-like infection transmitted by the tick that is tantamount to having another Lyme Disease, often with worse presenting symptoms for certain patients (like me). Because the late-stage Lyme patient (almost all of us have co-infections) has been so ill for years, the immune system is more compromised and unable to handle all three diseases (though they are all blanketed under one disease, Lyme). Treatment is also very complicated because the doctor has to be sure to address each co-infection and Lyme and do so in a very delicate balance so as not to Herx the crap out of the patient and on the flipside, to make sure Lyme or co-infection are treated aggressively enough so as not to experience a relapse or flare of symptoms. I have experienced both of these unpleasantries and let me just tell you, they are frickin' miserable.

Babesia: a co-infection of Lyme. Babesia is my worst co-infection, hardest to eradicate in the co-infection world (IMO), causing horrible vertigo, dizziness, crippling depression, sweats, nightmares, fevers, fatigue, air hunger (inability to breathe; that’s why I have an oxygen tank and take beta-blockers), heart palpitations/chest pain that make you think you're having a heart attack, severe cognitive impairments, and neurological difficulties.

Bartonella: another co-infection characterized by migraines, confusion, joint and muscle pain, spaciness, feeling disconnected from your body, cognitive impairments, bone-breaking chills, numbness and tingling in extremities, fatigue, depression, extreme agitation and anxiety. Note that all these symptoms overlap to some degree with each co-infection and with Lyme so it’s often difficult to determine what is the cause of what symptom and sometimes many infections are the culprit. My first 3 months of Bartonella treatment, I became so confused the first 2 weeks that I got LOST in a grocery store (no joke), and put the scissors in the freezer by accident. I also called people and forgot I was calling them and walked away from my dialing phone several times to come back and find someone talking. Truth is stranger than fiction.

LLMD: a Lyme-literate medical doctor. Lyme patients love them. We Lyme patients are very educated about our disease - we have to be; so few doctors know about the severity of late-stage Lyme, most have no idea what a ‘co-infection’ is when I tell them, and most don’t know how to diagnose or treat it. I had a doctor ask me if Lyme was hereditary!!!! wtf? There are so few LLMDs for the huge number of us and on average, most late-stage Lyme patients see 9-15 doctors (over a period of years) before they get properly diagnosed. Seeing a regular infectious disease doc would be suicide - he/she would put you on 28 days of drugs and if you were sick after that, tell you that you have chronic fatigue or what IDSA docs notoriously refer to as "post-Lyme fatigue." Ha! I was on an 8 month-wait list for my last LLMD, and flew to DC every 3 weeks to see him - one of the best LLMDs on the East Coast. Not to mention he costs a small fortune because no LLMDs can take insurance. This disease is a huge political controversy and I explain in detail in one of my posts, entitled: "The Great Lyme Controversy." The controversy is so great, in fact, that the Connecticut Attorney General brought an antitrust investigation against the IDSA (the enemy who writes insurance guidelines for treating Lyme and works with the CDC). The investigation “uncovered serious flaws in the IDSA’s process for writing its 2006 Lyme disease guidelines….The IDSA guidelines have sweeping and significant impacts on Lyme disease medical care. They are commonly applied by insurance companies in restricting coverage for long-term antibiotic treatment or other medical care and also strongly influence physician treatment decisions. Insurance companies have denied coverage for long-term antibiotic treatment relying on these guidelines as justification….My office uncovered undisclosed financial interests held by several of the most powerful IDSA panelists. The IDSA's guideline panel improperly ignored or minimized consideration of alternative medical opinion and evidence regarding chronic Lyme disease, potentially raising serious questions about whether the recommendations reflected all relevant science.” See http://www.ct.gov/ag/cwp/view.asp?a=2795&q=414284.

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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Transcending Pain

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All About Late-Stage Lyme: the Disease, the heated Controversy, and the Repeated Misdiagnoses

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