I hate Blue Shield!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright, it's 2 am, I am fucking exhausted and I fucking hate Blue Shield of California (and every other insurance company for solidarity sake for my other Lyme friends' battles with them). There I said it!!

I was trying to be all zen like (well, sometimes) for the last oh, 3 years, fighting tooth and nail with health insurance companies (utilizing all my energy and strength) to hold them accountable for paying my hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical bills, fighting with long term disability insurance companies trying to get them to pay me what I paid into the system, now fighting with state disability agencies...I mean does it ever fucking end!????? I thought it had come to an end when CBS kindly decided to expose Blue Shield in November in a newspiece on me. But I am still hemorrhaging money. For what? MEDICAL TREATMENT THAT IS GETTING ME BETTER THAT I AM LEGALLY AND MORALLY ENTITLED TO!!

I just unloaded about 82 separate legal files today handling different aspects of JUST my medical care, health insurance, disability, etc. I am lucky to be equipped a J.D. and to have numerous lawyer friends to help me with my numerous legal questions, and even had CBS do a piece on me and STILL, I am fighting these A$%HOLES tooth and nail til the wee hours of the morning because I refuse to lay down while they try to stick their bullshit "American health insurance screws over every sick patient in America" on me. I SHOULD be in bed. I SHOULD be resting. I SHOULD be drinking water and taking my vitamins and supplements and eating healthy. I usually do, but fighting these people has become so intense I cannot even do that. I just sit here exhausted and yet POSSESSED to fight these people.

I just finished a 2 hour IV infusion after going trying to organize these 82 medical files today and having a near mental breakdown. I am now far past mental and physical exhaustion. I need to get someone to help me; I cannot fucking organize these piles alone. It's 2 am. I need to be asleep.

After Blue Shield apparently came to an 'agreement' with the state agency that investigated them (the Department of Managed Health Care), I am now told by Blue Shield that NONE of my IV meds (at $3-4K per month) are covered after December 24, 2010 (they only covered the meds for about 40 days). The reimbursement they provided for previous payments I made out of pocket were COMPLETELY inadequate: one example was $17 paid to me for a $2,000 claim - that was for 4 days of IV supplies and meds. This, even though they led me astray me for 8 months in my attempt to find a participating provider to supply my meds. It's almost 1 YEAR to the date that I got my picc line in and this bullshit still isn't settled.

And I am now to the point where I am at least able to handle (well that's questionable) calling these people and opening the 5-10 letters and EOBs (explanation of benefits) per DAY I get from Blue Fucking Shield. I just got another one from a "Senior Regulatory Coordinator" with factual inaccuracies. I've written a legal letter numerous times by mail, email, and fax and sent it every Tom, Dick, and Jane at Blue Shield and every state agency outlining STEP by STEP the timeline of events from March 2010 until present and they STILL can't fucking get it right!??!?!

Sorry to you f-bomb haters who think I am a moral degenerate for swearing so much but I'd like to see normal people deal with this disease, the controversy, the frickin' catheter that lives up inside your heart for almost a year, and THEN deal with 72 legal files of medical bullshit (and this is only 1 of my bins; I have more!). This is ridiculous. REDUNKULOUS. I am fed up. F-bombs are warranted and if you I am trying to move on with my life, trying to don't believe it, read this report that says swearing eases pain: "Why Swearing Helps Ease Pain," http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1910691,00.html. Thank you, TIME Magazine, for making it ok for me to fucking swear!! It feels so much better! I'd rather be resting and getting better so I can start working EVENTUALLY but Blue Shield and the government and another unnamed long term disability insurer seem to want to thwart my efforts to return as 150% Mona. Well guess what, assholes!??? I won't let it happen!!!

Yes I am going to stay up past my bedtime when I should be sleeping and fight you bastards with all my might. And you are coming down. I'm not giving up. I'm getting my $100,000 or $200,000 back and I'm going to get it back for a whole bunch of other chronically ill patients in the future.

Ironically, I came across this organization called "Insure the Uninsured" here in California, and found a lawyer working on their policy in Sacramento...though I said I didn't want to be involved in health care reform and policy and law, I am finding I know way too much about it and might gravitate towards that path when I can work again.

For now, I think I have the right to vent for myself and for all those others who are too fucking tired to vent and are properly in bed sleeping at 2 am for oh the 300th day in the last 2 years! This is for you, Lyme masses, and anyone else fighting any other illness and bogus health insurance company whose sole job is to pad their CEO's shoes with solid gold and shit on sick people.

Scene from 40-year Old Virgin above where Steve Carell's character swears profusely to diminish the severe pain experienced by waxing his entire body.

That's what health insurance companies are, a bunch of evil back waxers. Well if I were a male, they would be a bunch of evil painful body waxers. I am making no sense and exhausted. I wish I could just say, I've done my best and go to bed. But I can't. I have to keep going. Evil waxers. I may have to delete this post in the morning after I read it while coherent and undrugged.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWR!